Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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