how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
