Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
