When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
