She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
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I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
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One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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