His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
