The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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