Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
