remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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