How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm always down for nudity.
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