I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You made out with two different species that night
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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