fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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