Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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