I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
