its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
