Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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