How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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