I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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