you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Randomize
