thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
