Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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