Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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