sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
