Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
