If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
