You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
