That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
