he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
