Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
