Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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