Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
