You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
