He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
