Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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