hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Randomize
