Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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