Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
