How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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