all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
