I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Randomize
