that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
