i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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