I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
