hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
