I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
