I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
