i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just want to make out with him forever
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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