don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
