I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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