I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
