Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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