Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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