I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize