nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
