we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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