she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
