i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
