Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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