you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
