Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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