Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
