The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
