k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
