in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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