On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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