my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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