then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize