new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
