theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
