your room smells of hookers.
And success
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
