Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
