I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
