i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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