woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
