i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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