I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Life is so much better after having sex.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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