Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
