can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
