Texts From Last Night

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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.

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  (703): Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid. http://tfl.nu/xyt3
  Replies (37) Good night (7226) Bad night (846)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.

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  (610): he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted. http://tfl.nu/laiq
  Replies (34) Good night (6577) Bad night (711)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly

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  (443): She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly http://tfl.nu/4li6
  Replies (15) Good night (3862) Bad night (1492)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.

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  (910): I just made Jack Daniels snow cones. http://tfl.nu/ca8x
  Replies (22) Good night (8109) Bad night (1091)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.

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  (314): It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes. http://tfl.nu/zfb4
  Replies (10) Good night (4002) Bad night (958)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.

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  (732): I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN. http://tfl.nu/e3sn
  Replies (18) Good night (7449) Bad night (1015)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.

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  (281): In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight. http://tfl.nu/l97c
  Replies (7) Good night (2372) Bad night (1569)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck

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  (360): Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck http://tfl.nu/w3fd
  Replies (18) Good night (1649) Bad night (3757)
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  (518): View more from New York

  He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.

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  (518): He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on. http://tfl.nu/5fme
  Replies (11) Good night (2093) Bad night (666)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"

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  (404): The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class" http://tfl.nu/r5he
  Replies (4) Good night (2274) Bad night (1010)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.

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  (508): You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up. http://tfl.nu/f7oz
  Replies (4) Good night (2069) Bad night (532)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.

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  (913): But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress. http://tfl.nu/jhgc
  Replies (3) Good night (876) Bad night (444)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.

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  (813): I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free. http://tfl.nu/oqtb
  Replies (3) Good night (1099) Bad night (546)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success

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  (505): Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success http://tfl.nu/y0qf
  Replies (0) Good night (1119) Bad night (326)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure

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  (941): I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure http://tfl.nu/4g2x
  Replies (2) Good night (798) Bad night (356)

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