I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.