what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon