Texts From Last Night

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  (425): View more from Washington

  Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.

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  (425): Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually. http://tfl.nu/jboq
  Replies (30) Good night (4206) Bad night (835)
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  (818): View more from California

  I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.

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  (818): I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever. http://tfl.nu/1b0y
  Replies (57) Good night (1319) Bad night (7385)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.

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  (519): I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat. http://tfl.nu/eo6a
  Replies (28) Good night (7889) Bad night (851)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.

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  (419): It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America. http://tfl.nu/twjg
  Replies (30) Good night (2399) Bad night (1409)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.

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  (513): I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food. http://tfl.nu/mdny
  Replies (4) Good night (2539) Bad night (754)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"

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  (617): I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night" http://tfl.nu/srds
  Replies (3) Good night (1227) Bad night (713)
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  (650): View more from California

  Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.

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  (650): Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some. http://tfl.nu/6y08
  Replies (5) Good night (1709) Bad night (488)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.

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  (561): I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover. http://tfl.nu/c2xb
  Replies (11) Good night (289) Bad night (1084)
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  (562): View more from California

  Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!

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  (562): Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?! http://tfl.nu/ufe7
  Replies (6) Good night (311) Bad night (549)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.

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  (804): I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together. http://tfl.nu/pd1t
  Replies (2) Good night (602) Bad night (313)
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  (731): View more from Tennessee

  Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too

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  (731): Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too http://tfl.nu/4c0u
  Replies (8) Good night (1199) Bad night (471)
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  (971): View more from Oregon

  Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account

  (971): View more from Oregon

  It could happen to you too!

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  (971): Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account (971): It could happen to you too! http://tfl.nu/bwgy
  Replies (11) Good night (1648) Bad night (263)
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  (716): View more from New York

  He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!

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  (716): He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!! http://tfl.nu/3hh7
  Replies (5) Good night (494) Bad night (237)
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  (772): View more from Florida

  Are you proud of yourself?

  (407): View more from Florida

  ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.

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  (772): Are you proud of yourself? (407): ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off. http://tfl.nu/2m9x
  Replies (2) Good night (871) Bad night (258)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box

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  (423): Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box http://tfl.nu/1krj
  Replies (6) Good night (411) Bad night (223)

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