wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test