3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
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He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
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I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?