I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.