I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
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We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
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remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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