Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.