That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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