It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
