he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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